Service type: Psychology

Finding the right counsellor is akin to building a trusting relationship. Here’s how to gauge compatibility:

Comfort: You should feel safe and comfortable sharing intimate details with your counsellor.

Understanding: A good counsellor listens without judgment, offers validation, and strives to understand your perspective.

Professionalism: They should maintain ethical standards, respect boundaries, and ensure confidentiality.

Approach: Their therapeutic approach and techniques should resonate with you and align with your goals.

Feedback: A good fit often means feeling challenged but supported. Your counsellor should provide constructive feedback that aids your growth.

Progress: Over time, you should feel some progress, even if it’s gradual. It might be worth reassessing the fit if you feel stagnant or more distressed consistently.

Addressing shame in therapy involves creating a safe, non-judgmental space where clients feel valued and understood. Therapists can use various techniques:

Validation: Assuring clients that their feelings are valid and they’re not alone in their experiences.

Exploration: Helping clients trace the origins of their shame, be it past traumas, family dynamics, or societal expectations.

Cognitive restructuring: Challenging and changing the distorted beliefs associated with shame.

Mindfulness and self-compassion exercises: These practices teach clients to treat themselves with kindness and remain present.

Exposure therapies: Gradually and safely exposing clients to shame triggers, helping them build resilience over time.

Dealing with embarrassment and regret requires a multi-pronged approach:

Acceptance: Recognize and accept your feelings without judgment. Everyone has moments they wish they could redo.

Apologize if necessary: If your actions harmed someone, genuine apologies can heal both parties.

Reframe the situation: Look for a lesson or a silver lining. These feelings can be growth opportunities.

Limit rumination: While it’s essential to process feelings, replicating an event can be detrimental. Set boundaries for yourself.

Seek support: Share your feelings with trusted friends, family, or professionals. External perspectives can offer solace and guidance.

Psychology provides tools and frameworks for understanding and addressing shame. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), for instance, can help individuals recognize and challenge distorted beliefs that underlie feelings of guilt. Narrative therapy allows individuals to rewrite their personal stories, separating their identity from shameful experiences. Experiential therapies, such as Gestalt, allow individuals to relive and process moments of shame in a supportive setting. Through treatment, individuals can develop resilience and self-compassion, vital in combatting scandal.

Embarrassment and shame are deeply rooted emotional responses stemming from cultural, familial, or personal experiences. To overcome them:

Self-awareness: Recognize and label your feelings. Understand the difference between guilt (feeling wrong about a specific action) and shame (feeling bad about oneself).

Self-compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding as you would a dear friend. Remember that everyone makes mistakes and has imperfections.

Reframing: Challenge and shift negative self-talk. Replace overly critical thoughts with more balanced and forgiving ones.

Open dialogue: Talk about your feelings with trusted individuals. Sharing can lessen the weight of embarrassment or shame and provide a new perspective.

Seek professional help: A therapist or counsellor can offer coping techniques and a safe space to explore these feelings.

Absolutely, you should tell my therapist they have upset you. Open communication is crucial in the therapeutic relationship. If something your therapist said or did upset you, it’s beneficial for both of you to discuss it. Addressing such feelings can provide insight into your triggers, boundaries, or past experiences. For the therapist, this feedback is invaluable, allowing them to adjust their approach or clarify any misunderstandings. Remember, therapy is a collaborative process, and your feelings, including those about the therapy itself, are an integral part of the journey.